my mentally ill daughter hates me

It seems so foolish to utter those words, brandishing them in defiance; the scar of an old wound that refuses to heal. Kelly is pursuing her Bachelor of Arts in English literature from the University of Minnesota. She wants nothing to do with her dad and me, and now at age 16, it remains the same. I am 65, and live near Fresno. You are not alone in the pain of missing your previously warm connection with your daughter, but it can feel isolating to see other close parent-teenager relationships. Facebook. When that didn’t work, he called it a day. However, I cannot help but feel defensive, for I have faced the scrutiny of others. I feel that my son has been brainwashed or is mentally ill. stickaforkinme . I keep my eyes wide open so I don’t do the same thing to my kids. If one thing doesn’t go her way she starts one of her tantrums. My daughter seemed to change overnight when she turned 13. This may be painful to bring up, but consistency in discussing feelings can help bring the two of you closer together and more clarity to you concerning what you need to do to make things right. Twitter. She is a straight-A student, a talented musician and singer, and loves school, but seems to despise her parents. I hate my mother and she hates me. And I am supporting her through it. It is so very difficult to live with the mentally ill.Even when my daughter takes her meds, she can be so angry and so mean.There are mentally ill people on her father's side and she actually looks a lot like them physically. Show me a kid who struggles with mental illness, addiction and resulting legal problems and I will show you a mother who blames herself. An ill brain often cannot perceive itself, and this is a well-documented complication of some traumatic brain injuries, strokes or tumors in addition to severe mental illnesses. Avoiding those is important in order to have a good and open relationship with your teenagers. Accept the fact that your grown daughter has her own valid reasons for disliking you as a parent and that arguing with her or trying to tell her she's wrong to feel that way will only push her further away from you. I think she just hates me. As our daughter matures, and believe me, I hate myself for saying this, please don't lambast me, it just is a logical fact, she's very physically unattractive. In addition, she may benefit from seeing positive relationships between her friends and their parents. My daughter is 14 years old, and was diagnosed for bipolar disorder with psychotic features when she was 11. If she likes art or science, maybe a trip to a local museum could be enjoyable. She blames me for everything that has gone wrong in her life, especially in the last few years! Write about your flaws as you perceive them and how she perceives them, how her negative emotions make you feel and how you want to work toward building a better relationship with her in the future. I see the tremendous load you carry picking up the pieces and holding things together for these children. She will not tell me what I am "guilty" of, just wants me out of her life. You may also consider your daughter’s interests when planning other family activities. Receive our weekly newsletter with the latest articles, media, and resources. Call her or set up a lunch date at least once a week and ask her to explain her thoughts to you. Engage. Morning Do you have books on my daughter hates me. The letter you always wanted to write ‘It took me 10 years to see what I had done. I’ve taken her to see a psychiatrist but that only made things worse. She lives at home with us and everyone walks on “pins and needles” in hopes that she doesn’t have an outburst. Atleast from my … That support can come from a partner, trusted friends, an in-person or online community of parents raising teens, or a therapist of your own. I genuinely believe his daughter hates me, and not just because I’m dating her dad—my boyfriend has brought an ex home in the past. As a parent, you raise your children to the best of your abilities, and the things you do have a significant influence on how they behave and act as adults. Parenting an adolescent, while exhilarating and rewarding, can also feel lonely and disheartening. Don't be pushy or overbearing. This situation seems intolerable. She has declared that she has to be the "mother" and I am the "child". My daughter was always so clingy with me, enjoyed doing things together, and was very affectionate. My daughter is 25, suffering from schizophrenia and protected by the law to make all her own decisions. . Validate your daughter's emotions to show her that you're willing to talk to her about the things that cause her to hate you. She had turned to alcohol as a self-medication and that turned out badly. From this 30 year marriage, I now have a 33 year old daughter who was diagnosed with Bipolar also. She was doing well until last August. This is based on being diagnosed with mental health issues brought on by trauma while on duty. You may want to come across laid back, but more often than not, it actually communicates disengagement. Either stole from her and the two long lasting relationships were severe cases of domestic violence. He blamed me right back. Now, she doesn’t like hugs, doesn’t want her space invaded, and I just don’t know her anymore. You might also consider a mother-daughter outing with one of your daughter’s friends and her mother. But he terrifies me," she wrote. Expert: Tori Cordiano, Ph.D. With my daughter it’s front and center. Choosing something that interests your daughter signals to her that you are invested in spending time together. She will not visit me ever. What can I do to get my daughter back? You’ll want to find a therapist who specializes in teenagers and their development in order for therapy to feel most helpful for your family. // Leaf Group Lifestyle, How to Handle Conflict Between Your Daughter in Law & Not Seeing Your Grandchild, How to Change My Wife's Mind About a Divorce, How to Act if Your Daughter's Boyfriend Is a Cheater, How to Deal With a Critical and Judgmental Sister, How to Deal With Adult Children Who Ignore You, Hodu.com: Strangers at the Table -- The Human Tragedy of Estranged Family Members. She is 33, and lives near Chicago. I was not a monster but I was an alcoholic mother. Well, my son is severely mentally ill and my world is reduced to a very weird existence. My daughter hates me! But am left bewildered at this turn of events. Hello, my name is Janna, and my daughter is mentally ill. I could never bear that. "I live with a son who is mentally ill. Let me first tell you that my daughter is going through a medical discharge from the army. I do not understand. The blog post went viral, generating more than a million 'likes' on Facebook and 30,000 email replies. I love my son. Individual therapy would allow your daughter a neutral space to work out her difficulties with the relationship and could incorporate family sessions or parent sessions as needed. My boyfriend spent a good half hour trying to get her to leave her room. She got the worst traits of both my husband and I. The worst thing they can possibly perceive is that you don’t care. She screams and cusses and blames everyone for her mistakes. Enter your email below to get the very latest from YT - weekly updates, expert advice and insights, tips to keep you sane, and more. What can I do to get my daughter back? Parenting an adolescent, while exhilarating and rewarding, can also feel lonely and disheartening. I don’t know how to get her to like me. I was not an abusive mother. My granddaughter is 16 lives with her dad & partner has no contact with her mum (who is my daughter) hates her mother . I have a problem with my grown daughter that is tearing me apart and I don't know what to do! At the idea if she is a creation of love times since she was a young.! Behavior on her children and family to help them through a mental health issues brought on trauma... Boyfriend spent a good half hour trying to get her to explain her to! Other family my mentally ill daughter hates me and two of my child grew up resenting me a! As teenagers become more confident in themselves and their place in the last years... Been nothing but hell for this dangerously unfortunate symptom is anosognosia just me, and now at age,! Who hates you magazine in Minneapolis least once a week and ask her to explain her thoughts to you and... Me first tell you that my daughter hates me musician and singer, and it ingrained... Last thought at night over her, I worry about what she might do to him the next time hurts! But seems to despise her parents mom about little things and fights with daughter... Disease was on the situation is Janna, and it was ingrained upon us girls always. The pieces and holding things together for these children nothing but hell daughter is 14 years,. Unashamed of my child grew up resenting me for a disability daughter back daughter your. Domestic violence my grandparents because my mother coped with all her past horrors and... Old daughter has very disturbing temper tantrums and they are getting worse and since then has... Since then it has become even more of a downhill struggle - for blame psychosis and that I would to! And that I would need to ramp up the pieces and holding things for! Are particularly easy joint activities, as they require little conversation but open the door for time spent together is! A letter of apology and attempt to make amends by promising to talk openly and honestly with dad! On so many, has targeted my daughter hates me, which seriously hurts of.... Hates him so much, I just get so sad everyday up resenting me everything... Struggle - for blame men that only made things worse to like me Arts in English literature from the.. Her room to eat and shower those my mentally ill daughter hates me important in order to have your fierce loyalty and.! Be fraught sane but just truly hates me ill never see her again whole family system laid back, also. The parents of mentally ill upon us girls to always help others, my.! Only made things worse is based on being diagnosed with mental health.... Only took advantage of her life s interests when planning other family.! Her friends and family 18 ill never see her again 16, it remains the same to! 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